In this week's Really Sh*tty Preview, we celebrate that our triumphant 3-0 and 19th ranked Colorado Buffaloes are back on the road after another media bonanza victory in a heated rivalry game. Last Saturday, our Buffs found a way to dig deep and find a way to turn it on and claw their way to victory on a night when they weren't clicking and Cheap Shot University was trying to set a record for chop blocks, crack backs, hunting knees & ankles, and even lacerating Travis Hunter's liver by hitting him late out of bounds after he'd pulled up on a dead play. Such is life. Often times, when someone is jealous of your ability and the attention you're getting they will lie, cheat and do whatever they have to do to tear you down while having no consideration for the fact that, at the end of the day, it's just a game played by people who are just trying to achieve success in life and realize their dreams. Some people and cultures cannot abide seeing others getting to places they're incapable of getting to themselves, so they get irrationally angry and will respond with an intent to hurt the achievers and drag them down to their level.
They are what they are up in Fort Collins.
Fortunately, Travis's injury was not season-ending and our Buffs seem to be getting a lot of key players back for the trip to #10 Oregon this week.
These past couple weeks have caused some soul searching and introspection at the Sh*tty Preview global offices. We hear Coach Prime loud and clear when he says that we have nothing but love and respect. That we don't talk about anyone. That we let others talk and then put that stuff in the motivational bank, take those insults personally, and channel that into a little extra something to drive success. And that's great for the team and its culture. But the Sh*tty Preview is not playing the games. We can talk smack, look ahead, and enjoy all the distractions because all we fans have to do on Saturday is gorge on tailgate food, overindulge in booze and other chemical enhancers, overreact to every play, and hope that things go well so that by the time Saturday ends our spouses are more likely to make sweet love to us than they are to file divorce paperwork. So, upon reflection, I'm very comfortable with coming from a place of love and respect when it comes to everyone who is part of the CU family while also making sure that our hearts are big enough to also carry a ton of hate and ridicule for every opponent and anyone else who doesn't bleed black & gold.
Considering all that and coming to a stronger sense of self is liberating in many ways. I feel like I have grown as a person, realizing how big of a heart I have since I can simultaneously carry so much love & support and near-infinite hate & spite. It's truly a beautiful thing.
With that in mind, the Sh*tty Preview wants to focus this week on why it hates Oregon and its fans. Obviously, their team sucks and the Buffs will crush them. But why are we justified in hating them so very very much?
We can acknowledge that they've played a lot of winning football over the past couple decades. They've been an innovator both in marketing a program and in changing how offense is played at the college level. So there is actually some respect here. They have also done a tremendous job of attracting talent.
And, fvck, at least we're not talking about Baylor spirit squads.
But, as much as there is to commend, there's also a darkness under the belly that they attempt to keep hidden from public view. This week, I was tempted to play nice and maybe tease around that dark void, keeping things light and playful. To avoid getting sucked into the depths of depravity. But. ultimately, I couldn't resist. Sometimes you just have to go hard, go deep, and leave a sloppy mess. The Sh*tty Preview will attack that poorly concealed darkness and it refuses to pull out!
Will we get an "O" along with the "W"? You bet your sweet ass we will!
So what is it about Oregon that justifies the hate?
The crack research team at Sh*tty Preview spent hours looking into this. Exhaustive labor examining every image and amateur video which included Oregon cheerleaders and coeds did not yield any reason to hate, so we had to shift gears. And then, applying the SPI supercomputer to cross index everything we know about UO, we hit upon the truth of it.
They are the Tori Spelling of college sports.
When you have a daddy who has a ton of wealth and power... And when that daddy is obsessed with making his baby relevant... Then that daddy can put tremendous resources and influence toward promotional efforts like Times Square billboards, support staff like hiring acting coaches, stylists, nutritionists and trainers, buying actual talent to surround your baby and lift her up, leveraging your business to provide merchandising opportunities, and underwriting everything to get your sweet child admission into the best conferences/ parties. And with all that, there will be a level of success that money is able to buy. Fame, ratings, consumer opinion. But hardware? Oregon has not won sh*t and coaches treat that culture like an easy stepping stone to a better job where they don't have to suck daddy off every day. Meanwhile, Duck fans act like they're some sort of elite dynasty and believe that they're more than a mediocre program that would be playing 2nd fiddle in their own state if not for a sugar daddy buying wins and relevance.
But daddy is getting old and is in decline. He's rarely seen or heard from, having gone down the Howard Hughes path. Oregon was able to drag him out of seclusion and away from his jars of urine and toenail clippings, then had him undergo some Mr. Burns radiation treatments to revive him enough to get out of bed and beg the Big Ten to let the Ducks in and agree to bankroll things so that they'd accept a small market program that doesn't win championships.
Exclusive: the crack investigative reporting team at Sh*tty Preview was able to acquire what is alleged to be a recent photo of Daddy Phil and, honestly, things don't look good for the long-term viability of the Oregon approach to college athletics.
We're already seeing how an absentee Phil is causing Nike to become rudderless. Other than the brilliant move of repairing their relationship with Coach Prime and giving him a shoe deal for cleats (something they refused to do back in the day when Prime Time's shoes were outselling Jordans & caused a falling out), the company is so out of fresh ideas and an understanding of what's cool in the current marketplace that their big launch this week through their Duck franchise is to put the team in "Mood Shoes" in front of the national television audience that CU will deliver on Saturday.
Good luck making mood rings cool again. I haven't seen this since I crashed and burned in middle school having a girl put one on and then trying to convince her the color it changed to meant "horny." But then again, Nike is amazing at applying its marketing muscle to make something cool to young people even when it's objectively lame. So, on the off chance that these work and become popular, I'm using this week's Preview to launch a new line of Really Sh*tty Products (prototypes available now in our very own Etsy store).
First up is this little beauty, which can be yours for the low, low price of just $62.36:
Mood butt plugs currently being field tested, but coming soon.
What's the idea at Nike U with this? Do they want to make it so that we have a visual indicator of how far the Ducks players have moved on the spectrum of despair?
Because this Saturday is going to be a bloodbath. I know what the color red means with Oregon fans and their daddy issue entitled attitude, but is it the same for players?
It's not making a lot of sense to me, to be honest. But I guess I've reached an age where I'm perfectly content with our Buffs wearing a classic white outfit and simply winning again, dominating, and earning the attention of the nation.
Saturday is the day we see the OL healthy and gelling with McCaskill making his debut at RB so that our Buffs can reveal the full offense. Domination will ensue. On the other side of the ball, players return from injuries and take the next step in mastering a new defense. Meanwhile, Shedeur makes the next statement in his Heisman campaign. All of this and more was plugged into the Sh*tty Power Index super computer to predict this week's game. With this week's theme of trying to give respect to opponents, formulas were adjusted to give some pity points to the other side. At the risk of disrespecting our Buffs (don't blame me, it's the programming algorithm), this week's SPI score prognostication is:
Buffs 42
Ducks 17
Go team!
They are what they are up in Fort Collins.
Fortunately, Travis's injury was not season-ending and our Buffs seem to be getting a lot of key players back for the trip to #10 Oregon this week.
These past couple weeks have caused some soul searching and introspection at the Sh*tty Preview global offices. We hear Coach Prime loud and clear when he says that we have nothing but love and respect. That we don't talk about anyone. That we let others talk and then put that stuff in the motivational bank, take those insults personally, and channel that into a little extra something to drive success. And that's great for the team and its culture. But the Sh*tty Preview is not playing the games. We can talk smack, look ahead, and enjoy all the distractions because all we fans have to do on Saturday is gorge on tailgate food, overindulge in booze and other chemical enhancers, overreact to every play, and hope that things go well so that by the time Saturday ends our spouses are more likely to make sweet love to us than they are to file divorce paperwork. So, upon reflection, I'm very comfortable with coming from a place of love and respect when it comes to everyone who is part of the CU family while also making sure that our hearts are big enough to also carry a ton of hate and ridicule for every opponent and anyone else who doesn't bleed black & gold.
Considering all that and coming to a stronger sense of self is liberating in many ways. I feel like I have grown as a person, realizing how big of a heart I have since I can simultaneously carry so much love & support and near-infinite hate & spite. It's truly a beautiful thing.
With that in mind, the Sh*tty Preview wants to focus this week on why it hates Oregon and its fans. Obviously, their team sucks and the Buffs will crush them. But why are we justified in hating them so very very much?
We can acknowledge that they've played a lot of winning football over the past couple decades. They've been an innovator both in marketing a program and in changing how offense is played at the college level. So there is actually some respect here. They have also done a tremendous job of attracting talent.
And, fvck, at least we're not talking about Baylor spirit squads.
But, as much as there is to commend, there's also a darkness under the belly that they attempt to keep hidden from public view. This week, I was tempted to play nice and maybe tease around that dark void, keeping things light and playful. To avoid getting sucked into the depths of depravity. But. ultimately, I couldn't resist. Sometimes you just have to go hard, go deep, and leave a sloppy mess. The Sh*tty Preview will attack that poorly concealed darkness and it refuses to pull out!
Will we get an "O" along with the "W"? You bet your sweet ass we will!
So what is it about Oregon that justifies the hate?
The crack research team at Sh*tty Preview spent hours looking into this. Exhaustive labor examining every image and amateur video which included Oregon cheerleaders and coeds did not yield any reason to hate, so we had to shift gears. And then, applying the SPI supercomputer to cross index everything we know about UO, we hit upon the truth of it.
They are the Tori Spelling of college sports.
When you have a daddy who has a ton of wealth and power... And when that daddy is obsessed with making his baby relevant... Then that daddy can put tremendous resources and influence toward promotional efforts like Times Square billboards, support staff like hiring acting coaches, stylists, nutritionists and trainers, buying actual talent to surround your baby and lift her up, leveraging your business to provide merchandising opportunities, and underwriting everything to get your sweet child admission into the best conferences/ parties. And with all that, there will be a level of success that money is able to buy. Fame, ratings, consumer opinion. But hardware? Oregon has not won sh*t and coaches treat that culture like an easy stepping stone to a better job where they don't have to suck daddy off every day. Meanwhile, Duck fans act like they're some sort of elite dynasty and believe that they're more than a mediocre program that would be playing 2nd fiddle in their own state if not for a sugar daddy buying wins and relevance.
But daddy is getting old and is in decline. He's rarely seen or heard from, having gone down the Howard Hughes path. Oregon was able to drag him out of seclusion and away from his jars of urine and toenail clippings, then had him undergo some Mr. Burns radiation treatments to revive him enough to get out of bed and beg the Big Ten to let the Ducks in and agree to bankroll things so that they'd accept a small market program that doesn't win championships.
Exclusive: the crack investigative reporting team at Sh*tty Preview was able to acquire what is alleged to be a recent photo of Daddy Phil and, honestly, things don't look good for the long-term viability of the Oregon approach to college athletics.
We're already seeing how an absentee Phil is causing Nike to become rudderless. Other than the brilliant move of repairing their relationship with Coach Prime and giving him a shoe deal for cleats (something they refused to do back in the day when Prime Time's shoes were outselling Jordans & caused a falling out), the company is so out of fresh ideas and an understanding of what's cool in the current marketplace that their big launch this week through their Duck franchise is to put the team in "Mood Shoes" in front of the national television audience that CU will deliver on Saturday.
Good luck making mood rings cool again. I haven't seen this since I crashed and burned in middle school having a girl put one on and then trying to convince her the color it changed to meant "horny." But then again, Nike is amazing at applying its marketing muscle to make something cool to young people even when it's objectively lame. So, on the off chance that these work and become popular, I'm using this week's Preview to launch a new line of Really Sh*tty Products (prototypes available now in our very own Etsy store).
First up is this little beauty, which can be yours for the low, low price of just $62.36:
Mood butt plugs currently being field tested, but coming soon.
What's the idea at Nike U with this? Do they want to make it so that we have a visual indicator of how far the Ducks players have moved on the spectrum of despair?
Because this Saturday is going to be a bloodbath. I know what the color red means with Oregon fans and their daddy issue entitled attitude, but is it the same for players?
It's not making a lot of sense to me, to be honest. But I guess I've reached an age where I'm perfectly content with our Buffs wearing a classic white outfit and simply winning again, dominating, and earning the attention of the nation.
Saturday is the day we see the OL healthy and gelling with McCaskill making his debut at RB so that our Buffs can reveal the full offense. Domination will ensue. On the other side of the ball, players return from injuries and take the next step in mastering a new defense. Meanwhile, Shedeur makes the next statement in his Heisman campaign. All of this and more was plugged into the Sh*tty Power Index super computer to predict this week's game. With this week's theme of trying to give respect to opponents, formulas were adjusted to give some pity points to the other side. At the risk of disrespecting our Buffs (don't blame me, it's the programming algorithm), this week's SPI score prognostication is:
Buffs 42
Ducks 17
Go team!
Last edited:
¡Avocados from Mexico!
