The University of Colorado Buffaloes will square off against former Big 12 Conference foes, The Baylor Bears of Waco Texas on Friday,November 8[SUP]th[/SUP] in Dallas Texas. This game has serious RPI implications for CU, as Baylor is currentlyranked 25[SUP]th[/SUP] nationally, and a victory on a “neutral” court will setoff The Buffs on the proper foot as they face a largely (Kansas aside)lackluster out of conference slate.
Hahahahaa! I’m just kidding—I don’t care about any of that ****. ****Baylor. Christ, in the history of sports is there a fanbase more deserving of a furry nutsack dangled over their collective Waco buffet enhanced shoulders? What a bunch of dickheads.
This is the same fanbase that reads the Bible and somehow determines--after studying those hallowed pages--that being born in Texas is actually an accomplishment, and it’s okay to slander and lie as long as your name is Buddy Jones, because he’s real important, see. A Baylor grad recently explained to me that Jesus regretted overturning the money-changing tables in the temple. That was seriously the conclusion of his religious study. He explained that through money, all things are possible. And in the unlikely event that money fails, your next best options are litigation and lobbying the Texas State Legislature.
Even the morally-challenged fans of Baylor acknowledge that murder is wrong, and slandering the victim of murder is discouraged (unless it’s Buddy Jones, and then there’s probably a good reason behind it). But those same Baylor fans will also recognize the recruiting implications for the occasional murder and subsequent framing, and argue that it’s okay for Coach Drew to cheat in order to compensate for disadvantages incurred by regrettable events from the past. After all, it’s not the fans’ fault somebody got murdered, why should they pay the price?
As an aside, I hear that for one home game every year, that it’s actually Kenneth Starr wearing that goofy yogi-bear look alike costume courtside. Raaaaaawr!
Baylor (**** Baylor) is the only thing that compels me to leave my cushy life in my Allbuffs retirement. The doctor said that you guys (Allbuffs) were making me anxious, and that I should relax. Also, I’m doing some very, very important stuff, and it’s best that my IP isn’t traced in this phase of my life. Goose has promised to protect my location in this exchange. Where was I? Ah yes. **** Baylor. Those sanctimonious Texas Baptists get me all riled up.
I know that Baylor fans visit your friendly site here on Allbuffs and wonder, ‘why all the hate?’ There’s no explaining it to them of course. In the world of dirty Texas Baptist politics, all is fair. It’s okay to **** over Rice, TCU and Houston to get a bid to the Big 12. How do they know this? Because Jesus rewarded them with a Heisman trophy winner and a Canadian who can rain three-pointers like donuts in a bucket.
And it’s okay for Baylor’s leadership to slander other academic institutions, leveraging deceit in doing so, because Baylor is a Baptist Institution, and the other schools are infested with fornicating heathens and shouldn’t be subject to traditional professional etiquette. They know this because, like Jesus, their basketball program was resurrected after death. It’s a sign. The stone was rolled away and Drew Scott emerged. But not before logging a few unauthorized calls to recruits. But Jesus forgives, and so does the NCAA…
There’s no explaining it to them. They’ll scratch their heads in that affected,“ah shucks” manner, tote their tacky alligator skin brief case into some courtroom and demand the death penalty for someone not associated with their basketball program. You know…for God.
So if we can’t explain it to them, what can we do? We can hate. We can hate them with every ounce of our being. And we can cherish the victories when they happen. It’s really our sacred obligation as Buffs.
Come Friday night, Go Buffs, and **** Baylor in equal doses.
Hashtag, yada yada…is it November yet? ****ing-A Buffs! It’s November!
