You're probably a NU fan if ...
... Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
... Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one. ... Your thought the school fight song should have been "Dueling Banjos."
Q: If you see a Nebraska football player on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
A Colorado fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Nebraska football players hitchiking. He told the Nebraska players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Colorado fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Nebraska football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic. As the truck began sinking the Colorado fan yelled for the Nebraska players to get out truck, to which they replied, "We're tryin' to get out, but we can't get the dang tailgate open!"
A man walks into a store says to the clerk, "I'd like a pair of red shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of white shoes." The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, "You must be an Nebraska fan!" The man proclaims with pride, "How could you tell, was it the color scheme!" The clerk looks at him and says "No, this is a hardware store."
Q: Why did they build the Mercedes plant so close to the University of Nebraska?
A: Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right down the road.
Two Nebraska fans are walking in the woods. One says, "Look! A dead bird." The other one looks up into the sky and says, "Where?"
Two Husker players are walking along a railroad track. One says, "Darn! These stairs are killin' me!" The other says, "It's ain't the stairs I can't stand, it's the low handrails!"
Two boys are playing football in a vacant lot when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the first little boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar, and twists, breaking the dog's neck and killing him instantly. A reporter, who happens to be strolling nearby, sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "That was the most incredible act of bravery I've ever seen!" the reporter exclaims. He whips out his notebook and furiously scribbles the headline: "Young Buffalo Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal!" The little hero sees this and says, "But sir, I'm not a Buff Fan, I'm a Husker Fan!" The reporter looks warily at the boy for a moment, then flips the page and begins a new headline: "Little Redneck Kills Beloved Family Pet"
Q: What do you call a crime ring in Lincoln?
A: A huddle.
Q: Why can't Nebraska player go on the internet?
A: He can't put 3 w's together.
Q: What's the difference between a Husker and a bucket of manure?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Husker wide receiver, a Husker linebacker, and a Husker defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
A Colorado grad, a Texas grad, and a Nebraska grad are waiting to be executed by firing squad. The Colorado grad is first, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Earthquake!" The firing squad panics and runs away, allowing the Colorado grad to jump over the wall and escape. The Texas grad is next, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, "Flood!" The firing squad again panics and runs away, so the Texas grad also jumps over the wall and escapes. The Nebraska grad is last. As he is waiting to be executed, he remembers what the CU and UT grads had done, so he yells, "Fire!"
Q: What does the average NU student get on their SAT's?
A: Drool
Q: What do tornadoes and Nebraska grads have in common?
A: They both always end up in trailer parks!
Q: How do you know that Jesus is not from Nebraska?
A: They couldn't find three wise menor a virgin.
Q: What is the difference between a Husker fan's car and a Porcupine?
A: The Porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Nebraska's greatest inventions:
1. Solar powered flashlight
2. Water-proof towel
3. A book on "How-To-Read"
4. Inflatable dart board
Q: Why don't Huskers use 911 in an emergency?
A: They can't find 11 on the dial.
Top 10 Classes at Nebraska:
1) Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F" ?
2) Pre-Law Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States
3) Sandwich Making: A Project Course
4) Hand-Shadow Workshop
5) Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend
6) Cliff's Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
7) Hooked on Phonics
8) The College Classroom: A Simulation
9) ABC's: An Extended Version
10) Literature: Coloring inside the lines
Q: Did you hear about the Huskers found frozen in a car at the drive- in movie in January?
A: They went to see "Closed for Winter".
Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Big 12 school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Kansas grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for KU! Rock Chalk Jayhawk!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone, the Oklahoma grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for Oklahoma! Boomer Sooner!" Seeing this, the Colorado grad walked over and shouted, "This is for everyone!" and pushed the Cornhusker off the side of the mountain.
Q: What's the last thing a Nebraska stripper takes off?
A: Her bowling shoes
Q: What does Colorado have that Nebraska doesn't?
A: Everything
How many Huskers does it take to eat a 'possum?--Two, one to chow down and one to watch for cars.