This Saturday, we start Pac-12 play. Our magnificent Buffaloes return from a frustrating loss at Michigan. Fortunately, I stopped recording after UM's first defensive stop, so that bad boy could very well stay on my DVR forever. 
Anyway, Buffs are now 2-1 and will travel to Eugene to take on the Ducks, also 2-1 after a shameful loss to ****braska in the only game I have ever rooted for Oregon. Kickoff is 3:30 MT on the Pac-12 Network.
This week, the storylines that seem to dominate the media are about the injuries to each team, questions about the rise of the Buffaloes and fall of the Ducks, and whether CU's inability to kick or punt or UO's unwillingness to kick or punt while failing at the alternatives is the bigger handicap. You can read about that stuff elsewhere. This is the ****ty preview.
The key to this game is that Oregon sucks and the Buffs will crush them.
As a wise man once eloquently stated, "I have grown this hate for Oregon."
So let's talk about that.
Oregon is a place with no history and nothing going for it. It's located in a second-rate town in the middle of nowhere that smells like mildew. At least I think it was mildew. Might be that disgusting green sludge that ends up covering the water wherever ducks congregate. (We'll get back to that vile animal in a bit.)
Academically, there is absolutely no reason to attend that university unless your dream is to parlay a degree into bossing around Asian children as they toil 18 hours a day in a Nike sweat shop.
Athletically, their "glorious" history = one guy. Some skeezy looking runner. But for Oregon, such a big deal that he's their Rudy Gipper. They even made a movie about him.
So what happens when a place like this ends up with a wealthy donor who makes it his life mission to make them relevant?
They throw money at it to create a new narrative. Marketing like has never been seen in a college athletics department. Breaking of all the rules. At first, it actually seemed kind of fresh to people. It drew attention. They sold sex by recruiting cheerleaders like they were looking for Coppertone models. And Coach Corine Lewis both led by example and brought in the talent.
Hell, they even went with the "O" as their hand sign.
They grabbed attention with crazy uniform designs that glow in the dark. It was different. Kids loved it and adults couldn't get it out of their heads.
But at a certain point, the gilded whore doesn't look so fresh any more. She gets tired, worn and ridiculous as she tries to look hot while giving you the duck face.
They start trying too hard. Then try harder when they still can't get your attention. Eventually, the end of their nice little run is signaled by a desperate effort to make a duck seem cool. Enter "Roboduck".
It's just sad at this point.
It was also inevitable.
And it all goes back to the duck. The perfect symbol for Oregon. A dirty, greasy, wallower in its own **** that drops dead immediately when it takes a shot.
But intensive research revealed the deeper reasons for the massive inferiority complex and weirdness which explains the behavior at Oregon:
That's right. It all comes down to the corkscrew penis. I'd almost feel sorry for them if they didn't also engage in gay necrophilia.
But let's not forget the Duck women and the strange frustration that results from their unique relations. I mean, a reverse corkscrew vagina that's pretty much the opposite of the lock that would fit the corkscrew penis key? Considering the intrinsic problems, I suppose it's commendable that they do their best to make due.
Buffs dominate the line of scrimmage while our playmaking secondary and receiving corp break this game open. The short-lived success of duck dynasty ends as Colorado proves that The Rise Is Real.
Golden Buffaloes - 42
Corkscrew Penises - 10
Go Buffs!
Anyway, Buffs are now 2-1 and will travel to Eugene to take on the Ducks, also 2-1 after a shameful loss to ****braska in the only game I have ever rooted for Oregon. Kickoff is 3:30 MT on the Pac-12 Network.This week, the storylines that seem to dominate the media are about the injuries to each team, questions about the rise of the Buffaloes and fall of the Ducks, and whether CU's inability to kick or punt or UO's unwillingness to kick or punt while failing at the alternatives is the bigger handicap. You can read about that stuff elsewhere. This is the ****ty preview.
The key to this game is that Oregon sucks and the Buffs will crush them.
As a wise man once eloquently stated, "I have grown this hate for Oregon."
So let's talk about that.
Oregon is a place with no history and nothing going for it. It's located in a second-rate town in the middle of nowhere that smells like mildew. At least I think it was mildew. Might be that disgusting green sludge that ends up covering the water wherever ducks congregate. (We'll get back to that vile animal in a bit.)
Academically, there is absolutely no reason to attend that university unless your dream is to parlay a degree into bossing around Asian children as they toil 18 hours a day in a Nike sweat shop.
Athletically, their "glorious" history = one guy. Some skeezy looking runner. But for Oregon, such a big deal that he's their Rudy Gipper. They even made a movie about him.
So what happens when a place like this ends up with a wealthy donor who makes it his life mission to make them relevant?
They throw money at it to create a new narrative. Marketing like has never been seen in a college athletics department. Breaking of all the rules. At first, it actually seemed kind of fresh to people. It drew attention. They sold sex by recruiting cheerleaders like they were looking for Coppertone models. And Coach Corine Lewis both led by example and brought in the talent.
Hell, they even went with the "O" as their hand sign.
They grabbed attention with crazy uniform designs that glow in the dark. It was different. Kids loved it and adults couldn't get it out of their heads.
But at a certain point, the gilded whore doesn't look so fresh any more. She gets tired, worn and ridiculous as she tries to look hot while giving you the duck face.
They start trying too hard. Then try harder when they still can't get your attention. Eventually, the end of their nice little run is signaled by a desperate effort to make a duck seem cool. Enter "Roboduck".
It's just sad at this point.
It was also inevitable.
And it all goes back to the duck. The perfect symbol for Oregon. A dirty, greasy, wallower in its own **** that drops dead immediately when it takes a shot.
But intensive research revealed the deeper reasons for the massive inferiority complex and weirdness which explains the behavior at Oregon:
That's right. It all comes down to the corkscrew penis. I'd almost feel sorry for them if they didn't also engage in gay necrophilia.
But let's not forget the Duck women and the strange frustration that results from their unique relations. I mean, a reverse corkscrew vagina that's pretty much the opposite of the lock that would fit the corkscrew penis key? Considering the intrinsic problems, I suppose it's commendable that they do their best to make due.
Buffs dominate the line of scrimmage while our playmaking secondary and receiving corp break this game open. The short-lived success of duck dynasty ends as Colorado proves that The Rise Is Real.
Golden Buffaloes - 42
Corkscrew Penises - 10
Go Buffs!
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