If I'm ranking "top HC jobs", I think you need to look at what are your best chances of success if you do a good job, as most guys obviously think they're going to.
I see the thinking behind some of the other views on what defines a "top HC job", but I think those could be classified as cushiest or most comfortable. Obviously different guys have different "dream jobs", too.
My criteria for the top job though is simple: if you do a good job of recruiting, hiring the right assistants, and interacting with donors, local media, etc, what is your likelihood is of having long term success, and what your ceiling is. Obviously, making those thing easier are name recognition, history of success, popularity with recruits, desirability as a job location for assistants, resources, booster support, and size of fan base.
Taking that into account, the top 3 are easy: Notre Dame, USC, and Ohio State. Those three have all of the above in spades. After that, it's hard to rank the following schools, as they all might check all the boxes but maybe not as emphatically as the top 3: OU, Texas, Michigan, Georgia, Florida, FSU, Pedo State (barf), Alabama.
If you pushed me to actually give a ranked top 5, I would say:
1. USC
2. Ohio State
3. Notre Dame
4. Oklahoma
5. Texas