The sh*tty preview is back for a new season.
What a year it's been.
2021 season which saw a CU offense that may have been the worst coaching job in the history of modern civilization.
2021 attrition which saw mismanagement of NIL and our starting RB, top WR, starting S and both starting CBs transfer.
And the rest of the offseason all about the Pac-12 falling apart and CU potentially being forever relegated to the new equivalent of G5 (anything not Big Ten or SEC).
Lost in all of that was the actual football and the truth that was lost in all of the negativity.
Colorado has leveraged the advantage of its elite Champions Center by bringing in the S&C Coach (Shannon Turley) who built Harbaugh's Stanford into the most physical team in the nation and, now in year two, has built out the largest S&C staff the program has ever had. The dividends are paying off with a roster of players who have been transformed.
The Buffs very strategically brought in transfers to fill gaps - an OL from Alabama, a WR from Baylor, LBs from Oklahoma and West Virginia.
The coaching staff was completely overhauled, with every offensive coach replaced other than the legendary Darian Hagan at RB and the defensive staff re-worked with a couple upgrades and responsibility shifts.
The 2022 Colorado Buffaloes are a well-built, well-coached team with full buy-in, better depth, great chemistry and a huge fvcking chip on their shoulders.
It's year 3 of the Karl Dorrell era. He's now got all coaches he has chosen, an offensive system he wanted to run and players who fit the culture he is establishing.
The Buffs are back except for the one thing missing which separates us from other programs -- the absolutely arrogant disrespect for all other football programs and their fans.
The sh*tty preview is here to say FVCK THAT! HERE COME THE ASSHOLES!
The 2022 season opens Friday night at 8pm under the lights at Folsom Field.
The result is already known.
TCU sucks and we will crush them.
****************************
But I suppose, since this is supposed to preview the game or something that I should drop some knowledge about TCU so the Buff faithful can better appreciate the team and fans who we'll be laughing at as our boys destroy their hopes and dreams.
Honestly, I didn't know much of anything about TCU so I had to do some serious research to learn about them. So, here's a sh*tty "know your opponent" section.
It turns out that that TCU is located in Fort Worth, which is kind of a redneck backwater next door to Dallas. Since we travel there next year, I figured I'd investigate and see what there is to do there. Something called the National Cowgirl Museum & Hall of Fame is there, which sounded like a great way to re-watch some of the best moments in the storied careers of my favorite female performers.
I was about to try to find a nearby sammich shop with comfy chairs. Turns out it's more of a shrine to Annie Oakley, whoever she was. Lame.
Moving on since there's really no reason to stay in Fort Worth next year when you can stay in Dallas, have a great weekend in a 1st world city, and just follow the smells of horse dung, chewing tobacco, leather & musk cologne and cheap beer along with the sounds of banjos and supercharged pickup trucks to their part of the metro for the game.
The next thing I looked into was the culture and traditions. I discovered that "TCU" stands for "Texas Christian University". Don't be too quick to judge. They're not like Baylor, who tells you how righteous they are while covering up murders and rapes. They're not like BYU, where 25-year old freshmen getting back from missions get married to the first co-eds an elder can arrange so they can finally get their dicks wet without burning in hell.
No, TCU is more like the SMU style of religious universities. Or at least they aspire to be like SMU. Shockingly, they say SMU is their rival. Yeah. The larger school with better academics and more money is who they call a rival? The school that's in the modern city of Dallas and has produced US Presidents is not a rival, it's the embodiment of TCU's every inadequacy.
Digging deeper, it seems that TCU has traditions deeply rooted in their Christian roots. Apparently, they have a beloved cheer which goes:
Riff, Ram, Bah, Zoo,
Lickety Lickety, Zoo Zoo,
Who Wah, Wah Who,
Give 'em hell,
TCU!
As the story goes, it was something one of the university founders came up with while speaking in tongues at a tent revival after licking a toad in the Texas sun.
Then there's something going on with a T-Rex obsession. Keeping to the high standards expected of the sh*tty preview, I tried to figure this one out through exhaustive research and analysis.
Upon review, TCU is really into dinosaur cosplay as an ongoing tradition.
There's even a hand sign which you'll see TCU fans young and old flashing. I have it on good authority that it means, "How bout you and I bump uglies... Flintstones style?"
I'm not sure what that means, but I can't say I'm not intrigued. Maybe if I go there for next year's game I'll wear a Barney outfit and see what happens.
Next thing that's important is their mascot. It's something called a horned frog. I don't know what the fvck this thing is, but I guess it's real and not some jackalope or chupacabra thing. It's some sort of desert lizard you're not advised to try to lick. Something this unfortunate should at least be able to get you high. Just sayin'.
I wonder if they'll have one leading their team onto the field in a pathetic display of Ralphie envy that even Cam the Ram would ridicule.
Another thing that can tell us a lot about a university is their famous alums. I checked wikipedia and spent a lot of time not recognizing anyone on the list. Time that could be much more valuably spent on other internet browsing pursuits. [Note to self: clear browser history.] But then, fortunately, I found at the bottom a couple people I recognized.
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(I think that's the hand sign again.)
And the other leads to a sh*tty joke I can't come up with about a disastrous 3 hour tour in TCU's future. Fvck off.
On to football, which is what this is all about.
TCU's program is the definition of mediocrity. 23-24 over the past 4 seasons despite mixing in a healthy dose of opponents like Duquesne. Known for great defense during a good run from years ago under Patterson, TCU became a program that had their fans creaming in their pants like they were watching a re-run of Land of the Lost any time they could hold an opponent under 30.
Even though they couldn't stop anyone, they had some moments when they scored some points. I don't know if that means much when going against Big 12 defenses or Duquesne. But it says a lot that they often failed to hang 20 points on Big 12 defenses. Ouch. So that's why they decided they needed a new coach.
They hired Sonny Dykes. I couldn't place the name and then I remembered, "Oh yeah! That's Sonny ***** from Cal whose name couldn't make it through their board's profanity filter. Yeah, he sucks. He was the failure who couldn't win with an NFL quarterback and had Cal fans wishing they had hired Mike MacIntyre."
So why did TCU hire this guy? Turns out he took over at SMU after Chad Morris rebuilt it so well he got the Arkansas gig. Dykes proceeded to make them worse his first year. Seriously. A guy known for his quick-paced spread passing offense went to a program that has been built for exactly that offense from even before Morris back to June Jones. And he made them worse when he got there. How's that gonna work out when going to TCU where he has to actually change the offense of a losing team? When that was his situation at Cal, he went 1-11.
So I'm sure you're all wondering why TCU hired this guy? The obvious is that it's all about their SMU envy. And it is mostly that. They thought, "Hey, if he's good enough for SMU and we've got desperation and a bigger media deal on our side, we can maybe hire him away to finally get over on them." And they pulled it off. Bonus points that Dykes went to TTU, another school TCU envies and likes to pretend is a rival. But, the truth needs us to dig a little deeper. SMU couldn't wait to get Dykes' phony ass out of town so they could promote the behind-the-scenes mastermind of their offense -- Offensive Coordinator Rhett Lashlee. This was TCU's "hire Dan Hawkins without stipulating he has to bring Chris Petersen" moment.
Dykes says he's going to play 3 quarterbacks on Friday. They've got the guy they lost with last year, the guy who didn't have a chance to see the field at Oklahoma and was the backup last year, and a younger guy who was recruited as an ATH rather than a QB. They've got some good WRs if someone can get them the ball and if their OL, which struggled last year, can block for a completely different style offense from the one they were recruited for. Translation: Dykes has no answers and is hoping something works.
On defense, they return a group that couldn't stop the run, couldn't convert 3rd downs or red zone, didn't generate turnovers, couldn't cover anyone, generated zero pass rush, and tackled so poorly they've been watching film of Nebraska since camp started for inspiration.
/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/71294989/1418568013.0.jpg)
It's a unit that's so bad that the Buffs defender who probably caused us to pull out more hair than anyone last year and was going to be a backup this year... he transferred to TCU, is a starter, and has been the talk of training camp. Even featured in TCU's marketing campaign for Friday's game.
Friday's going to be a great warmup for the season. Perfect matchup for the Buffs since we won't have to deal with a physical team the week before things get going in Week 2 against Air Force. This one's going to be a fantastic night in Boulder where our Buffs roll and work out the kinks before getting ready for the trip to Colorado Springs.
Final Score Prediction:
CU - 38
tcu - 13
And in a special feature this week for @BuffBronco and his request for more dick pics:
What a year it's been.
2021 season which saw a CU offense that may have been the worst coaching job in the history of modern civilization.
2021 attrition which saw mismanagement of NIL and our starting RB, top WR, starting S and both starting CBs transfer.
And the rest of the offseason all about the Pac-12 falling apart and CU potentially being forever relegated to the new equivalent of G5 (anything not Big Ten or SEC).
Lost in all of that was the actual football and the truth that was lost in all of the negativity.
Colorado has leveraged the advantage of its elite Champions Center by bringing in the S&C Coach (Shannon Turley) who built Harbaugh's Stanford into the most physical team in the nation and, now in year two, has built out the largest S&C staff the program has ever had. The dividends are paying off with a roster of players who have been transformed.
The Buffs very strategically brought in transfers to fill gaps - an OL from Alabama, a WR from Baylor, LBs from Oklahoma and West Virginia.
The coaching staff was completely overhauled, with every offensive coach replaced other than the legendary Darian Hagan at RB and the defensive staff re-worked with a couple upgrades and responsibility shifts.
The 2022 Colorado Buffaloes are a well-built, well-coached team with full buy-in, better depth, great chemistry and a huge fvcking chip on their shoulders.
It's year 3 of the Karl Dorrell era. He's now got all coaches he has chosen, an offensive system he wanted to run and players who fit the culture he is establishing.
The Buffs are back except for the one thing missing which separates us from other programs -- the absolutely arrogant disrespect for all other football programs and their fans.
The sh*tty preview is here to say FVCK THAT! HERE COME THE ASSHOLES!
The 2022 season opens Friday night at 8pm under the lights at Folsom Field.
The result is already known.
TCU sucks and we will crush them.
****************************
But I suppose, since this is supposed to preview the game or something that I should drop some knowledge about TCU so the Buff faithful can better appreciate the team and fans who we'll be laughing at as our boys destroy their hopes and dreams.
Honestly, I didn't know much of anything about TCU so I had to do some serious research to learn about them. So, here's a sh*tty "know your opponent" section.
It turns out that that TCU is located in Fort Worth, which is kind of a redneck backwater next door to Dallas. Since we travel there next year, I figured I'd investigate and see what there is to do there. Something called the National Cowgirl Museum & Hall of Fame is there, which sounded like a great way to re-watch some of the best moments in the storied careers of my favorite female performers.
I was about to try to find a nearby sammich shop with comfy chairs. Turns out it's more of a shrine to Annie Oakley, whoever she was. Lame.
Moving on since there's really no reason to stay in Fort Worth next year when you can stay in Dallas, have a great weekend in a 1st world city, and just follow the smells of horse dung, chewing tobacco, leather & musk cologne and cheap beer along with the sounds of banjos and supercharged pickup trucks to their part of the metro for the game.
The next thing I looked into was the culture and traditions. I discovered that "TCU" stands for "Texas Christian University". Don't be too quick to judge. They're not like Baylor, who tells you how righteous they are while covering up murders and rapes. They're not like BYU, where 25-year old freshmen getting back from missions get married to the first co-eds an elder can arrange so they can finally get their dicks wet without burning in hell.
No, TCU is more like the SMU style of religious universities. Or at least they aspire to be like SMU. Shockingly, they say SMU is their rival. Yeah. The larger school with better academics and more money is who they call a rival? The school that's in the modern city of Dallas and has produced US Presidents is not a rival, it's the embodiment of TCU's every inadequacy.
Digging deeper, it seems that TCU has traditions deeply rooted in their Christian roots. Apparently, they have a beloved cheer which goes:
Riff, Ram, Bah, Zoo,
Lickety Lickety, Zoo Zoo,
Who Wah, Wah Who,
Give 'em hell,
TCU!
As the story goes, it was something one of the university founders came up with while speaking in tongues at a tent revival after licking a toad in the Texas sun.
Then there's something going on with a T-Rex obsession. Keeping to the high standards expected of the sh*tty preview, I tried to figure this one out through exhaustive research and analysis.
Upon review, TCU is really into dinosaur cosplay as an ongoing tradition.
There's even a hand sign which you'll see TCU fans young and old flashing. I have it on good authority that it means, "How bout you and I bump uglies... Flintstones style?"
I'm not sure what that means, but I can't say I'm not intrigued. Maybe if I go there for next year's game I'll wear a Barney outfit and see what happens.
Next thing that's important is their mascot. It's something called a horned frog. I don't know what the fvck this thing is, but I guess it's real and not some jackalope or chupacabra thing. It's some sort of desert lizard you're not advised to try to lick. Something this unfortunate should at least be able to get you high. Just sayin'.
I wonder if they'll have one leading their team onto the field in a pathetic display of Ralphie envy that even Cam the Ram would ridicule.
Another thing that can tell us a lot about a university is their famous alums. I checked wikipedia and spent a lot of time not recognizing anyone on the list. Time that could be much more valuably spent on other internet browsing pursuits. [Note to self: clear browser history.] But then, fortunately, I found at the bottom a couple people I recognized.
(I think that's the hand sign again.)
And the other leads to a sh*tty joke I can't come up with about a disastrous 3 hour tour in TCU's future. Fvck off.
On to football, which is what this is all about.
TCU's program is the definition of mediocrity. 23-24 over the past 4 seasons despite mixing in a healthy dose of opponents like Duquesne. Known for great defense during a good run from years ago under Patterson, TCU became a program that had their fans creaming in their pants like they were watching a re-run of Land of the Lost any time they could hold an opponent under 30.
Even though they couldn't stop anyone, they had some moments when they scored some points. I don't know if that means much when going against Big 12 defenses or Duquesne. But it says a lot that they often failed to hang 20 points on Big 12 defenses. Ouch. So that's why they decided they needed a new coach.
They hired Sonny Dykes. I couldn't place the name and then I remembered, "Oh yeah! That's Sonny ***** from Cal whose name couldn't make it through their board's profanity filter. Yeah, he sucks. He was the failure who couldn't win with an NFL quarterback and had Cal fans wishing they had hired Mike MacIntyre."
So why did TCU hire this guy? Turns out he took over at SMU after Chad Morris rebuilt it so well he got the Arkansas gig. Dykes proceeded to make them worse his first year. Seriously. A guy known for his quick-paced spread passing offense went to a program that has been built for exactly that offense from even before Morris back to June Jones. And he made them worse when he got there. How's that gonna work out when going to TCU where he has to actually change the offense of a losing team? When that was his situation at Cal, he went 1-11.
So I'm sure you're all wondering why TCU hired this guy? The obvious is that it's all about their SMU envy. And it is mostly that. They thought, "Hey, if he's good enough for SMU and we've got desperation and a bigger media deal on our side, we can maybe hire him away to finally get over on them." And they pulled it off. Bonus points that Dykes went to TTU, another school TCU envies and likes to pretend is a rival. But, the truth needs us to dig a little deeper. SMU couldn't wait to get Dykes' phony ass out of town so they could promote the behind-the-scenes mastermind of their offense -- Offensive Coordinator Rhett Lashlee. This was TCU's "hire Dan Hawkins without stipulating he has to bring Chris Petersen" moment.
Dykes says he's going to play 3 quarterbacks on Friday. They've got the guy they lost with last year, the guy who didn't have a chance to see the field at Oklahoma and was the backup last year, and a younger guy who was recruited as an ATH rather than a QB. They've got some good WRs if someone can get them the ball and if their OL, which struggled last year, can block for a completely different style offense from the one they were recruited for. Translation: Dykes has no answers and is hoping something works.
On defense, they return a group that couldn't stop the run, couldn't convert 3rd downs or red zone, didn't generate turnovers, couldn't cover anyone, generated zero pass rush, and tackled so poorly they've been watching film of Nebraska since camp started for inspiration.
It's a unit that's so bad that the Buffs defender who probably caused us to pull out more hair than anyone last year and was going to be a backup this year... he transferred to TCU, is a starter, and has been the talk of training camp. Even featured in TCU's marketing campaign for Friday's game.
Friday's going to be a great warmup for the season. Perfect matchup for the Buffs since we won't have to deal with a physical team the week before things get going in Week 2 against Air Force. This one's going to be a fantastic night in Boulder where our Buffs roll and work out the kinks before getting ready for the trip to Colorado Springs.
Final Score Prediction:
CU - 38
tcu - 13
And in a special feature this week for @BuffBronco and his request for more dick pics:
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