The good moments are unmatched as are the bad moments.
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Coach Prime's Current Health
- Thread starter InTheBuff
- Start date
I have two really good friends from HS that are both married but neither of them had kids. One is a doctor, the other is in sales. They both live in amazing houses, take multiple international vacations every year, grow their own weed, and seem to absolutely LOVE their life.
I have two kids. To the point @Goose made, they are the best thing I've done, and also the hardest.
My oldest will be a senior at CU this fall. My youngest (18) decided a 4 year school is not for him and is staying at home while finishing his real estate license, and getting an associates in marketing at a local community college. My dreams of being an empty nester was absolutely DASHED, and I'm just a bit crushed. Although the prospects of not paying for another kid to go to school at CU and paying for rent in Boulder is softening the blow substantially. LOL
If I had a nickel for every time I said, “Son, I’m at work today. You can’t come in my office unless it’s an emergency.” And that was only on Thursday and Friday, the first two days of break. Apparently, a big brown spot in an apple is an emergency.
I still remember when my youngest was 4 there was a day during Xmas break that she came in to my office at least 7 times before 9 am. I finally looked at her and said "Sweetie, daddy loves you and I love spending time with you, but you're only allowed to come in 2 more times before I'm going to have to lock my door so I can get some work done."
She looked up at me and with the sweetest most angelic voice said "It's ok, I know how to unlock the door from the outside" and walked away.
My doorbell just rang 45 times while I'm on a zoom call. Those little bastards!
They are as helpful as you are.
Your job as a parent is basically to keep them alive till they are adults.
I've generally taken the approach that if you don't REALLY want kids, you shouldn't have them. Now, accidents do happen, and sometimes often they're the best thing that ever happened for the parent(s).
But, for Mrs Skibum and I, we were both very willing to have a kid or two if the other one really wanted one, but neither of us ever felt that way. So we never did, and we made that decision permanent a few years ago.
Still remember a comment by a couple, both of whom had incredibly accomplished careers, and they were celebrating their 50th anniversary. Inevitably, someone asked the key to a couple having and balancing high pressure/power careers and still being happily married 50 years later. They were pretty blunt: "we didn't have kids."
I actually think that is more of an indictment of our society's lack of support for parents than anything else (at least one parent's career always gets harmed), but it is the reality we live with.
Anyway, I can wrap it up in a lot of logic about cost, and environmental impact, and what not, but I still think it boils down to "if you don't want them, don't have them."
The sacrifices are too much if it's not something you really want, and you'll be bitter about that - and something will suffer as a result (you'll be a less than ideal parent, spouse, friend, or employee). In my observation 90% of the time, it's the spouse that bears the brunt.
Anyway, @Bread and other allbuffers that are young and still navigating this, get on the same page about this with any potential partners, and don't be surprised if your feelings change. "Yes, I would do this for you," is a legit reason to change your mind.
But, for Mrs Skibum and I, we were both very willing to have a kid or two if the other one really wanted one, but neither of us ever felt that way. So we never did, and we made that decision permanent a few years ago.
Still remember a comment by a couple, both of whom had incredibly accomplished careers, and they were celebrating their 50th anniversary. Inevitably, someone asked the key to a couple having and balancing high pressure/power careers and still being happily married 50 years later. They were pretty blunt: "we didn't have kids."
I actually think that is more of an indictment of our society's lack of support for parents than anything else (at least one parent's career always gets harmed), but it is the reality we live with.
Anyway, I can wrap it up in a lot of logic about cost, and environmental impact, and what not, but I still think it boils down to "if you don't want them, don't have them."
The sacrifices are too much if it's not something you really want, and you'll be bitter about that - and something will suffer as a result (you'll be a less than ideal parent, spouse, friend, or employee). In my observation 90% of the time, it's the spouse that bears the brunt.
Anyway, @Bread and other allbuffers that are young and still navigating this, get on the same page about this with any potential partners, and don't be surprised if your feelings change. "Yes, I would do this for you," is a legit reason to change your mind.
not 100% clear where you're going with this, but I find myself disagreeing with what I think you're saying. I may be misreading your intent behind that, but my thoughts:
- doing everything reasonable to keep them alive is bare minimum
- preparing them for a happy, healthy and productive adulthood is expected
- continuing to support them socially and emotionally (and maybe other ways) into adulthood is the part I've found most rewarding (and probably most challenging, TBH)
You added much more than I did that's
.. I was trying to be funny kind of.
To your last point, it's on my app profiles so that anyone looking can see it's not something I want.
I was both fortunate and unfortunate to have the experience of a stepdaughter with my ex wife. In my opinion, my ex wife let that girl walk all over her, didn't discipline her at all, never let her know what was not ok from a behavior and speaking perspective. That along with how I felt when we were constantly doing things for her (school activities, extra curriculars etc.) and her not being able to self entertain led me to where I am now. Is it selfish? Yeah probably. But I know I wouldn't be a good parent when I never want to lose the freedom to travel and do what I want while also not being someone else's source of entertainment.
One of these days.
Been retired 5 years now and youngest still in high school. Younger daughter still living at home, older daughter moved out then last summer came back (and brought her dog with her.)
Love having them all around though.
Agreed. My wife and I are so happy being DINKs. My sister has two kids, so if I ever need that ... experience... I can get some of it in very small doses. The few times I year I go to my sister's house, I'm stunned at the noise level, alone: dogs, kids, TV on so loud. My wife and I always stay in a nearby hotel just for our sanity.
I realized when I met my wife how much I appreciate a quiet, simple, non-chaotic existence. Even work-wise, every job I ever had as a lawyer, eventually, the firm took the phone out of my office and just let me sit and write briefs for them. Even they knew. LOL
Stars matter!!
As an adult, but before kids, I never liked the, “you don’t understand because you don’t have kids” statement I would hear from parents trying to explain something about their child. That always bothered me and something I stay away from.
However, I will say, you’ll never love anything more than the love a parent has for their child/children. At least for most. That love is real
However, I will say, you’ll never love anything more than the love a parent has for their child/children. At least for most. That love is real
@Goose what are your kids doing in Cleveland?
I wouldn't trade my child for anything in the world. Anything. My life is so much more complete than it would have been without having a child. There are things that you just will not understand if you don't have kids. It also makes me appreciate the job my own parents did so much more than I did before I had my own. You realize the choices they made that might not have been the best were made out of love. At the time, you think they're doing something to spite you. It's only when you have your own do you realize that's absolutely not the case.
I wouldn’t consider me and my wife each being in “power careers”, but we have both been relatively successful in moving up corporate ladders to higher level positions that require 30% travel (her) and 60-70% travel (me) during the first 3.5 years of our kids’ lives. Granted, there’s a lot of coordination of schedules involved and help from family, but we make it work for now when the responsibility is getting kids to and from daycare and doing dinner, bath and bedtime each night. Something’s gonna give in a few years, though, when they start getting involved in school, sports and other activities.
Yeah, that last sentence is the bitch. Also having family nearby that is capable and willing to help is clutch for when the kid is sick and needs to be picked up now and one parent is out of town and the other one is a super critical meeting.
WTF? Aren’t you more interested in Yak’s percentage of time spent traveling for work?
He’s fine. Also, I get all my parental advice from the onion.
Yep, and you never stop being one even when they are grown. It's definitely tough but rewarding at the same time.
The 1st morning you wake up as a father, you realize you are a different person. You and your needs are no longer the first thing you think of.
To me, these are the type of posts that make AllBuffs engaging (besides Pillow Talk). This completely resonates with me.
Adults navigating challenging personal situations in the most positive way possible.
I love it.
It's a good thing we fixed him before he had kids. That was a close one!