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Hi! Visiting BYU fan here, looking for recommendations in Boulder/Denver.

The one and only time I went to the bus stop, within 30 seconds of walking in, MC announced “Please welcome to the stage, Charizard. She’s a fire breather that’s for sure”.

She couldn’t have picked a more apt stripper name.
 
Well... this went off the rails
antonin scalia hands GIF
 
One time I went with my friend and he told this Amazon of a woman (also overweight) that he only had like $2.17 to his name. She said that’s ok she would take that and sat on his lap. She stayed and talked to him for over an hour. And I guarantee for her that $2.17 was more than she would have made otherwise
 
I don't drink alcohol, and I love to go to bars and watch drunk people.

I want to be really clear that I drink a lot of coffee.
Since we’re talking recommendations. What’s the best coffee house in Boulder? Really like Ozo. But I spied the new Aviano(?) up on the Hill. That looks interesting. Others?
 
Booze, coffee and strippers?! The Provoians are never going to want to leave.

Where can one pick up magic undergarments on Pearl St.?
 
Since we’re talking recommendations. What’s the best coffee house in Boulder? Really like Ozo. But I spied the new Aviano(?) up on the Hill. That looks interesting. Others?
I like the new Aviano (but am lightly annoyed by the presence of the Moxy, and completely put off by the monstrosity that is catty-corner). Ozo on East Pearl Ozo is great, but I'm not as fond as West Pearl Ozo (or Arapaho).

Spruce Cafe in North Boulder is a good place to find a table. Same for Rayback.

For me, the undisputed coffeehouse champion in Boulder is Trident. Great coffee. Great atmosphere. Tough to get a table...
 
Another great cup of coffee (with pastries and chocolates) is a Scandinavian place that opened fairly recently called Suti. It's in a little house just north of Pearl. Maybe 15th or 16th St?
 
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